Why Pretend Play Matters: What Your Child Is Learning When They Pretend

It can be hard to see the point when your four-year-old has spent twenty minutes making a sandwich for a stuffed bear. It looks like playing, and it is. It is also doing a lot more.

Play Is How Children Learn About the World

The American Academy of Pediatrics describes play as a central part of healthy development. In its clinical report "The Power of Play," the AAP frames play as a way children build skills in every area of growth. Pretend play is one of the clearest examples of that.

Trying Out Roles and Ideas

Nemours KidsHealth says that children use pretend play to try out roles, such as a superhero, an animal, or a parent. A child who pretends to be the one in charge learns what it feels like to make the decisions. A child who pretends to be a baby learns how grown-ups talk to babies.

These are small experiments. They let a child practice being someone else without the real consequences.

Working Through Big Feelings

Nemours gives a specific example: a child who hit a playmate may later put a doll in time-out. In that scene, the child can process the guilt and the rules in a way that feels safe. Pretend play gives children a place to rehearse hard feelings before they face them in real life.

This is one reason many parents notice their child acting out a fight or a bedtime struggle in play. It is not a sign that something is wrong. It is often the child working something out.

Practicing Self-Control

Pretend play also builds self-control. When children take on a role, they follow the rules of that role. A child pretending to be a teacher may need to wait for "students" to take turns, for example.

We cover the research on this in more detail in our guide to pretend play and self-control. For now, the key point is simple: pretend play asks children to hold an idea in mind and follow it, which is the kind of skill that helps with waiting, sharing and calming down.

It Also Supports Language

The Head Start Early Learning Outcomes Framework, which guides what preschool teachers watch for, links make-believe play to children's growing self-regulation and oral language. Acting out a scene means narrating it, taking on another "voice," and following a story line with someone else — all things that stretch language skills at the same time as self-control.

Social Skills

Playing pretend with others also teaches children to negotiate. Who gets to be the doctor? What happens when two children want to be the same superhero? These small disagreements are where children learn to compromise.

What This Does Not Mean

You do not need to set up a themed play corner or buy special toys. A cardboard box, a few spoons, and some free time will do most of the work. What matters most is that your child gets to choose the play and direct it — see How to Support Pretend Play at Home for how to do that in practice.