What Should I Say to My Child While They Wait for Their Turn?
A "long turn" and a timer solve the logistics of taking turns. They don't solve the minute your child is standing there, watching someone else play with the thing they want. Here's what to actually say during that minute.
- Waiting is the hard part — name it
- What to actually say, in order
- Save the lesson for after everyone's calm
- The bottom line
It's tempting to treat the waiting child's upset as the problem to shut down quickly ("you'll get a turn, stop crying"). Zero to Three's guidance on supporting sharing takes the opposite approach: the waiting itself is genuinely hard for a young child, and naming that — not rushing past it — is what actually helps.
1Waiting Is the Hard Part — Name It
Zero to Three's core advice here is to reflect feelings: acknowledge how each child feels, including — maybe especially — the one who has to wait. A toddler who's told "I see you really want a turn, and waiting is hard" is being given language for an experience they can't yet put into words themselves. That validation isn't the same as giving in; it's step one before any problem-solving can happen.
2What to Actually Say, in Order
- 1Narrate it plainly first. "You want the truck. Right now it's his turn." A neutral, play-by-play description slows the moment down, before anyone's feelings get addressed.
- 2Name the feeling. "Waiting is hard. I know you want it right now." This is the emotion-coaching step — listening to the big feeling and putting words to it, rather than minimizing it.
- 3Give the waiting a shape. "He gets a long turn, and then the timer will tell us when it's yours" — or hand the waiting child something else to do right now. A wait with a visible end and something to do in the meantime is easier than an open-ended one.
3Save the Lesson for After Everyone's Calm
One detail from Zero to Three's guidance is easy to miss: children under 3 generally can't take in corrective feedback in the middle of a conflict. That means the "next time, ask first" lesson doesn't belong in the heat of the moment — it belongs afterward, once everyone's settled. A short, simple follow-up later ("Next time you can ask, 'Can I have a turn?'") teaches the skill without asking a dysregulated toddler to learn and calm down at the same time.